The life of Jesus as Kung-Fu movie:
JESUS: ….never went out without a fight!!! Yaahhhh!!!! (Ninja Jesus removes his crown of thorns, and flings it like a throwing star into the Centurion’s forehead, blinding him. The Centurion cries out in pain, and dies. Taking advantage of everyone’s surprise, Christ grasps his crucifix, and in traditional pole-fighting fashion, uses it to systematically trip, slap, and whallop every surrounding Roman with machine-gun rapidity and devastation. On one Roman he alternately slaps both shorter ends of the crucifix against both sides of his face.) Turn the other cheek, I say! You can damage both that way! Ha ha ha!!
I always liked it when He got medieval on the moneychangers at the Temple.
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